“Compromise. Sacrifice. You can be the better person.”

- wrong advice from me to me

Absolutely worn out.

Yet I still stay and put up with your toxicity.

I’ll tire out eventually if all you do is feed me with so much negativity.

Are friends supposed to be the people who disappear from your side, your existence forgotten? Out of sight, out of mind. With everyone moving ahead with their own lives, I can’t help but feel so left behind, so - alone.

I wonder what have I been doing the past 20 years of my life where I can’t call someone my close friend. All I have were friends. Were. Now they’re just “chanced-encounters” friends.

Maybe I’m just (being) a bitch.

By the time you realize that I’ve just been bottling it all inside from you, it’ll have been too late then.

I just don’t want to try so much if the same amount of effort isn’t reciprocated. I think that’s a fair thing to do.

Becoming numb again. There’s nothing like this comforting and familiar feeling.

Brain-death seems blissful

Things have been tensed with the way things have been.

At work, she has been growing close to this guy: they meet at the bus stop every morning to grab breakfast and head to work together, they are always together while at work, and they take the same bus together after work everyday.

She’s been putting me on hold whenever she’s with him, and somewhat prioritizing his company over our conversations despite already having his company from 8:30 in the morning all the way to 6 in the evening. It slowly seems like I’m the only one wanting to talk, while its more of a chore/mundane routine for her.

I’m not too sure if I’m being too sensitive, but is it wrong of me to feel jealous to a certain extent given the situation? It’s difficult for me not to feel the way I do given the way the both of them always have things to carry on their conversation that makes her so engaged in conversation with him, while I fight desperately just to have an hour of (interesting) conversation with her.

I’ve also voiced out some of these to her, which she didn’t take too well. Instead of being transparent with me about him, she has become apprehensive about mentioning him to me. Should I just be understanding and take her word for things, and stop feeling the way I do?

a decision to make for what’s best for me(?)

Here I am, trying my best while you do not.

Here I am, crawling back to your feet again to ask for forgiveness -

when exactly have you ever done so, even when you were wrong?

You tell me I discredit your efforts, no,

I credit your reverts.

You are the one who makes me feel the happiest, that is true.

You are the one who makes me feel the shittiest, that is also true,

and increasingly so that perhaps it is time to pick one truth to stick with.

Maybe it’s time I stop things before getting too comfortable bathing in toxic.